2014 - The Year of the Great Depression

I am back with a bang. In case any of my blog followers were wondering why I left off in early December 2013, well, this has been the year of the great depression for me.

Don't panic or immediately worry for me - I am fine and back on my own 2 feet.

Living in the United States, especially in Ohio, where the weather changes every 5 minutes, I thought I was a seasoned veteran of our long, cold, hard, bitter, snowy, frigid winters. I had, in my 16 years here, always heard of people getting afflicted with what is called "Seasonal depression syndrome".

I had, have and will always pride myself on my inner strength. I would be the first one to bawl in emotional fervour when I am hurt or angry, but I never let anything get to the core of me. So I never understood what people were talking about.

In my hometown and in my language, Tamil, we have a saying that equates to "only if you have had toothache or stomache you would understand the pain" - "pal valiyum vayithu valiyum thanakku vandha thaan theriyum". How true. While I sympathized with these folks, I had no clue what they felt like or went through.

All until the GREAT WINTER of 2013 and 2014. This year, the winter has been the longest of all. Started snowing in October and did not relent until March 29!!!! And who knows how many more snow (not snowfall, snow storms) we have in store.

BLEAK does not even begin to describe it. Since the beginning of December, I started feeling this gnawing forboding of something bad to come. Usually Christmas lights and merriment cheers me up, but I felt no cheer this year. I kept myself busy with my role in Vindhya Cultural Association and organizing our Band and Karaoke competition, but still peace and joy seemed to elude me.  My ever loving and indulgent husband tried everything to cheer me up - all in futile.

I would get to work through snow and go home and vegetate in front of the T.V. I am a foodie, but even food did not cheer me up. I existed, cribbed on FaceBook, made everybody around me generally miserable. Even when my 13 year old asked me if I was depressed (she had a seminar of recognizing depression symptoms at school), I did not see it as a wake up call.

I desperately wanted to move and having convinced my dear husband and family, put a lot of things in motion. I was that desolate, desperate for warm weather, just determined to see this behind me. Not even the idea of having to change absolutely EVERYTHING, start over fresh in another state deterred me in what I thought was my quest for better.

Then February came rolling along. I always like February. Because even though February is still frigid, it is a short month and I think of March as the heralding of spring and I felt infinitely better. Because of things I had set in motion in those really morose months of December and January, I got an interview call from one of the states I was trying to move to. That was my wake up call. Gone was the general sense of inertia. Gone was the desperation to move. I just said, "If winter is here, can spring be far behind".Lo, behold, I started hearing the birds chirupping in the morning again(my favorite time of the day) and even though we continued to have snow storms, they were just that and I decided to stay where I was.Then I unconvinced my ever patient husband about moving and my daughter was jumping for joy. She never understood or agreed with the idea of moving. This is her home.

So here, spring is here(atleast officially) and I cannot feel any better or more bouyant. I believe God creates all these experiences in all our lives so we understand others' pain. Not just pay lip service, but genuinely strive to understand what they are going through. Having gone through this, I hope I never do again, at least for the next 16 years :-), but I will now understand what some others feel.

I promise I will take off where I left to continue to record my experiences living in Avadi. Part of that tropical paradise called South India. Ok, don't go there, that was the nostagia trying to play tricks on me again - Ohio is still home. Home, Sweet home !!! But Avadi will always be MY FIRST HOME and the sweetest of all my homes.